He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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