I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
