I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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