omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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