My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
