Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
