He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
