how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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