Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
