She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
