I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
