I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
