Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
