Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize