Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
