You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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