Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
