I accidentally burped into my bong.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
