I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
