Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
