just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
