i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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