I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
