I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
