im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
