I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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