You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize