Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
