____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
