WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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