I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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