So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
