He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Terrible idea I love it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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