At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
