So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
