i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
