i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who died my cat blue again?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
