she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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