Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
