I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A+ Viking dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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