AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
