1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
