he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize