he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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