Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
