It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
