were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
