Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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