got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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