Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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