you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
