There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
