I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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