Little spoons don't ask big questions
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
