so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
