The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize