I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
