On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
