Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
