tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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