I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
