so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize