just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
