I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drunk is not a location!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
