So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
