There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
