but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
