I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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