YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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